Sunday, December 30, 2007
WHY?!
I try and try and try. I keep setting myself up for failure like some sick masochist. And what do I get out of it? Out of bearing my soul to every boy I happen to like romantically? Nothing but heartbreak and tears. What is so fundamentally wrong with me that I'm 17 years old and have yet to be in a relationship? Let alone get kissed...God. What is wrong with me? I'm so done with this. No one is worth this. I keep getting hurt. No matter how cautious I am. I was overyl careful this time, hesitant to the point of insanity. And yet once again I'm crying over a stupid rejection from a stupid boy. The only difference this time is that I kind of blame the boy this time, instead of taking all the blame myself. I've considered terminating our friendship. But I can't do that. It would be juvenile. I know that I'm a talented enough actor that I can make everyone beleive nothing happened, that we're the same as we always were. But I know inside the knife just plunges in deeper. I hate this. I really do.
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1 comment:
Oh, darling, I'm so sorry I haven't been on here in so long!...
No boy is worth this much heartache. You deserve someone who will love you unconditionally. I know I've said this a bunch before, but it can't really be said enough: You're intelligent, funny, caring, beautiful, outgoing, a good dancer (bwaha contra), so very open minded, just struman all around. And, even if just a small group of us understand that last bit (><), anyone who has half a brain can see what an amazing person you are.
If he can't see that, than he's an idiot, no matter if he's one of my good friends. And that goes for anyone, friend or not. That boy just probably isn't ready to commit himself much. I think he needs the flexibility and freedom of being single. He's a pain in the butt, but that's just how he is.
Don't you worry about being this age without doing all of that relationship business.
Ha, my mom's graduating class only had three boys. I have no idea how long it was before she had a boyfriend.
And my dad was the smallest boy in his highschool when he graduated, I think, and it went from grades eight to twelve. He hardly ever mentions anything even like a date from those years of his life, unless they turned out horribly.
But see, they're both happy and successful people now. They both have experienced their share of heartbreaks, and they still have problems with just one another. But even if it felt like the end of the world when they were rejected or dumped, they still managed to get through it. Often, I wonder how they do it. But I usually just look up to them, and try to be more like them.
And in a lot of ways, you're stronger than they are, from my point of view, anyway. There are plenty more fish out in the sea. And you're going to kiss a lot of toads before you find your prince. And I don't know why there are so many comparrisons between men and cold, slimy creatures. But you just keep being yourself, and you'll find a boy that's not stupid. It's difficult, but I know you can do it.
Oh. And:
Don't hide your feelings. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, mine's right here. And I've got tissue boxes and everything. Not too many chick flicks to watch, but we could always watch Men in Tights or something. And a ton of ice cream to eat. And cookies. Or just cookie dough. Or, the thing that tends to work best for me, is that we could just talk about it.
You're one of the best people in the world. You've brightened my life when I thought I'd be lost in darkness forever. I don't think I'll ever be able to repay you for all that you've done for me, but I would love to be here for you whenever I can.
<3
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