Heartbeats and Hand Grenades

Do you know that when I think of you my heart beats faster?
Faster, faster, faster
Until
BANG
It explodes in a fiery pain reminiscent of the blast of a bomb or the explosion of a
Hand grenade.

Because I know that the way I see your eyes is not the way they see me
The explosion in my stomach, so sharp, so strong
Is only in me.

Yet I can't help but picture the way your eyes crinkle when you smile
The way your whole face becomes even more beautiful when it is alight.
You eyes, deeply brown and so wide
Become slightly narrowed when your mouth curves and shows me your happiness

You say I make you happy
That you can be yourself
A self that I love that I miss so terribly this night
When you are around me
You can be yourself.

That makes me smile, shapes my face into a gentle curve
Not half as lovely as the way your smile makes you
But quietly, I think, beautiful in its own right.
Made more than it is by its love of you.

Heartbeats beget hand grenades.
I see you
I love you
I ache for you
You notice me not.

This hurts.
The pain is not sharp, because I know by now to expect it
That does not make it hurt less,
Just means that I know how to lean to lessen the hurt
How to angle my body that the explosion might not damage anything vital.

But it still hurts.
But if my hurt can make you smile,
Baby, light me on fire
And let me explode
Like a hand grenade.
Without you, my heartbeats mean little
And my explosions are soft
Mild
Tender
Things.

You light my life like a flame.
I'll not extinguish it,
No matter how the fire burns me.

****These are idle musings. Not to be taken alarmingly. Just poetically.