Far Apart

Sometimes, he messages her.
It is always random, never consistent, never the same time of day,
Always the same words.
His words show her his warm, wide brown eyes smiling at her,
Appreciating her,
Making her feel loved and adored.

But even though she can feel the warmth of his eyes and see the way his mouth curves upward as he smiles at her,
He is still so far away.
Even if he were sitting right beside her he would be far away.
She tells him everything
Except what she is dying to say.

"I love you. I always have."
Those words are impossible to say,
Yet they rise up her throat whenever she is near him or whenever she hears his voice or whenever she feels his smile breaking over her.

He tells her she deserves better.
She doesn't want better. She only wants him.
She knows that what they have now is special, sacred to both of them.
It's a friendship rivaled by none other and one that they both hold near their hearts.
She doesn't want to break that.
That's why she holds her words close to her chest,
Clasps her hands over her heart and bears the pain in silence.

Because he is worth it.
She would not alienate him for the world.
He makes her laugh and she can tell him any crazy idea that pops into her head
Or unravel any convoluted thought
And he will listen
And laugh
And tell her that she is special to him.

She will hold those words to her,
Trying hard not to let them carry her away to something
More.
She wants to be his more.
She already holds him when he hurts,
Now she wants to be the one to make him laugh,
To play silly games that end in them rolling around and pressing their lips to each other.
That's what she wants.

But she knows, as she reads the sweet messages that he sends her in the dead of the night,
She knows that he isn't ready.
She knows that if she speaks the words she is desperate to release
Knows that he will run
Far and fast.
She couldn't do that to him.
She wouldn't.

So she plays the role of his friend, his confidante.
It's not a hard role to play, she does have those feelings for him too.
But as she finishes their conversations,
She closes her eyes and can't help but
Think.
They are so close,
Yet so
Very
Far
Apart.

Will it always be so?
She hopes with all her heart that
Someday
They will be together.
No longer separated by the words unsaid.
Close.
Inseparable.

No longer far apart.